Photo of necklace made for me by Shawn’s cell mate, Tito at OCCC
This is a verbatim log kept by Shawn Fisher who asked me to share it. Shawn is incarcerated at Old Colony Correctional Center in Mass. where they are locked in for 14 days–(and now who knows how long?)
DAY ONE
The night before we got locked down I was in the hallway going to movement. We were all trying to get to our classrooms before the 10 person limit was reached. Needless to say I did not make it and had to return to my unit. As I walked back an inmate walking toward me was holding a cloth to his mouth and was told by an officer, “No! We’re not doing that get it off your mouth.” Was it a security issue? If it were normal times I could be swayed to say “yes”. But the guy was holding it up to his mouth in an effort to filter the air he breathes and calm his fear. I thought to myself, even in times like this there are people in a position of authority who just can’t help themselves. They speak not because they have something to say but because they want to say something.
The same holds true for those sheriffs and DOC lawyers who make claims that you cant release a prisoner because he has nowhere to live and thus presents a danger to the public. Not because the claim is true but rather they have to claim something.
I’m not surprised. But I am disappointed. here at OCCC they’ve actually taken a lot of measures to prevent Covid 19 from entering the prison. For the last two weeks inmate workers have been spraying bleach every four hours all over the prison, guards are wearing masks and keeping there distance as much as possible and, they gave us two free calls with a daily email so that we can stay in touch with our families. That impressed me because they didn’t have to go that far. Yet, whatever good will they earned they soon lost with those asinine claims. It even got a little comical with the extraordinary steps they put in place here.
We’re all locked down for 14 days. Most of us with cellmates. The powers that be: in their infinite wisdom, have decreed that while we sleep we shall have our heads at opposite ends of the bunk in an effort to observe social distancing as we count sheep. Never mind the fact we’re locked in a 6′ x 10′ cell together for 23½ hours a day using the same toilet, sink, desk and in some cases cook together. Does anyone really believe any kind of social distancing can take place in such cramped quarters? Maybe if we slept like Rip Van Winkle for 14 days we could adhere to this new operating procedure. This is apparently a safer route than releasing at-risk-inmates. But again, they have to say something.
In spite of our surroundings there’s a large demographic of the inmate population who are no longer the same person today as when they got arrested. Yet, if you ask the DOC the narrative never changes. We’re all animals and predators. Lock em’ up and throw away the key. Even in the midst of a crisis. The DOC will never change but I expect more from the public. Especially at a time like this.
DAY TWO
In a posting dated April 3, issued by DOC Commissioner Micci, she states, ” All necessary precautions are being taken as he health of our staff and inmate population continues to be of paramount importance. As a reminder, steps that you can take to prevent the spread of germs and protect yourself include: •clean or disinfect your cell or living area with soap and water or cleaning products regularly.”
However, the showers have not been cleaned since Friday morning. What we don’t need right now is to have an outbreak of MRSA in the middle of a pandemic. There has not been much to complain about all things considered. But getting the showers cleaned is of the utmost importance.
Other than that everyone gets 30 minutes a day out of their cells. Only 8 inmates at a time are allowed out together. Time is so precious when its in short supply. 30 minutes feels like five. I find myself strategically planning out what I’m going to do like I’m Tom Brady reading a defense. As soon as the cell door is open I don’t have time to talk to the other seven guys. I usually run directly to my destination, and do it quickly before I’m off to the next destination. Before you know it it’s over. If I forget something I have to put it out of my head and not dwell on it. Otherwise it will rent space for the next 23½ hours behind a three inch this door. When I get to start all over again with a new strategy.
Time definitely is precious. But if we can do it in a 6′ x 10′ cell, anyone can do it. You just have to prioritize and plan what your going to do hour by hour. Which is why I hope someone in the DOC prioritizes cleaning showers. Otherwise I’ll have to start planning around which shower is the least risky to use.
DAY THREE
One of the hardest things about been in prison is understanding you are always on THEIR time, not yours. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a life it just means you have to be able to adjust your schedule. You need to be flexible: like bamboo, or you will snap.
Today, in our third day of lockdown my cellmate and I had a similar moment. Earlier in the morning they opened four cells to our right so that eight men could get 30 minutes of recreation. Then, later in the day they opened four cells to our left skipping right over us!
Immediately we thought the officer forgot us and we were not getting 30 minutes out of our cell. After 5 minutes of screaming and yelling an officer finally explained he would let us out next. He made a mistake but he’s on top of it.
Their time NOT ours!
In the heat of the moment things could have escalated. Something as simple as a door being opened could very well have ruined the rest of the day for my cellmate and I. Frustration in times like this is both common and easily addictive. The pressure can build and before you know it your chest is feeling the weight of a multitude of “mistakes”, each one heavier than the last. Even when it doesn’t involve you but is some on else’s fight , their plight becomes yours and you join forces. Like today when the WiFi was shut off. A lot of people were skeptical, myself included. I immediately thought they’re censoring us! They don’t want us emailing people on the outside! That’s where things can go from bad to horrible wrong. How you deal with the frustration is key.
Each day my cellmate and I both play poker to see who will be cleaning the cell. It’s fair and at least one person is not burdened with the responsibility of cleaning every day. Unless he sucks at poker…! Another thing we do is whoever cooks the other guy has to clean up. Each day we switch and each day we find ourselves critiquing the other guys cooking. Its a vicious cycle where only those with the thickest skin can survive. Luckily were both numb to criticisms. Whether its cooking, chess, basketball or who can eat the most…we jump on each other without mercy. Somehow it builds camaraderie and helps us get through the long periods together. At the end of the day the key to getting through any powerless situation is, especially a time like this is to be flexible. Be understanding and willing to change your plans at any give time.
DAY FOUR
Today we rented a movie, only after several men complained about the WiFi being shut off. Apparently, they shut it off because they wanted to prevent inmates from using the unit kiosk which is where we order canteen and send out emails. It’s a touch screen display affixed to the wall.
I was told the adminstration wants to prevent the spread of the virus by eliminating having numerous people touch the kiosk. Yet, the showers still remain uncleaned, where everyone touches the shower nozzle, and shower curtain. And the additional head scratcher…everyone touches the phone! So shutting down the kiosk seems like someone either just has to much time on their hands or there is something sinister at work. I can definitely see them shutting down the WiFi to figure out how to stop the flow of information getting out. Or it could just be paranoia. Only time will tell. Its on now and my cellmate and I are about to order the movie Australia: which is one of 50 movies we can order from for the low low price of just $3.00.
We watch it on a tablet that costs $140 dollars. The screen is just 4½” x 2″ inches but its enough for two people to plug in a dual adapter and listen to it on our headphones. It never ceases to amaze me how in prison one can make the most out of anything. We may be the most resourceful population on the face of the earth. Guys make necklaces out of trash bags, picture frames out potato chip bags, stingers (to heat water) from nail clippers and bars of soap to make a shelf on the wall. The list goes on. The point is, we make the most out of what we have and if we can’t… we find a way to. So, as we watch this movie eating homemade granola bars made from oatmeal, peanuts, M&Ms and an ample portion of sugar, I am reminded of how blessed and grateful I truly am. That may sound strange to some but after 28 years in prison I have had a lot of time to put life into perspective.
In that time I’ve come to the realization that most people are unaware of what the punishment phase of being in prison is. I think most believe that we are sent to prison FOR punishment and the truth is we are sent to prison AS punishment. Being locked in a cell or losing your basic freedoms are NOT the punishment phase. The punishment phase is hearing about your children growing up and you’re not there to witness those childhood milestones like their first steps, first words, first love…and break up, graduation or walking down the aisle. We can’t be there to hold our loved ones in our arms when someone dies or be there to help the people we love who are sick and would be relying on us during this pandemic. That, and knowing some of us took the life of someone and deprived them and their families of these same opportunities. THAT is the punishment.
Yet in spite of being in prison and losing many freedoms and opportunities I am grateful for what I do have. God, a family that loves me; in spite of my shortcomings, an appreciation for the little gifts God has blessed me with like a tablet, a movie, a cellmate I get along with, the gift of expressing myself through writing, WiFi, someone to email with said WiFi and the momentary pleasure of a really sweet granola bar.
What are you appreciative of?
DAY FIVE
Last night they opened my cell door to clean the showers. It’s my job so I’m certainly not complaining they needed it.
Yesterday was uneventful. The highlight came when I had to catch up on my Lenten readings. Palm Sunday’s reading was entitled “I Was In Prison And You Visited Me”. It’s based on the bible passage, “Whatever you did to one of these least brothers of mine, you did it for me”. If you’ve been in prison long enough it’s a passage that gets recycled about as much as the story of the Prodigal Son. That does not make it any less effective but you do get bored with the same story over and over again. However, this one seemed different. Right from the start it states, “When I stop to think about it, nobody can love everybody. You can’t even like everybody, and you certainly can’t help everybody… I may not be drawn to people who are poor or in prison, but Jesus is.”
Normally, these readings always begin and end with some righteous thought in which the writer tries to bring out the goodness in the reader. However, this time the writer admits he’s not drawn to “prisoners”. He/she falls short. Even at the end of the reading the writer doesn’t have this miraculous awakening. He/she summarizes this passage and all of the weeks Gospel readings into five simple words, “you did it to me”. So, basically, whatever I do or don’t do to someone is what I’m doing to Jesus, It concludes by saying, “If I believe that, I will live differently.”
When I take a hard look at myself I may not be drawn to people who make decisions that have a dramatic impact on my life in here. I certainly don’t agree with a lot if not most of the decisions that come down the DOC pipeline. Decisions that ultimately do more harm than good. But if I got anything out of that reading it’s maybe I can try harder in how I treat them. To not be so inclined to throw a jab here and there. Not jump to conclusions. Be a little more unbiased. Jeez, just typing those words sounds like a long shot for me. I have yet to see the DOC do anything to help lower the recidivism rate or change the climate of the system. At every turn they seem to do the opposite. And yet I’m supposed to be the righteous one?! Huh. How does that work?
DAY SIX
Today like all Wednesdays here at Old Colony Correctional Center it is Christmas and your birthday all wrapped into one…yep, you guessed it. ITS CANTEEN DAY!! Unless, that is, something goes terribly wrong and for whatever reason you don’t get a canteen order. That’s usually the day when the people from Webster’s dictionary comes to the prison to record all the inmates who’s canteen was screwed up because its around this time you hear words you never knew existed. First its disbelief followed by every cuss word known to man and then some. Each word oozing with contempt and conspiracy theories. Being the Canteen Officer means you only have to work once a week but that one day is the mother of all days. Its got to be the suckiest job ever.
This of course doesn’t end at the check out line. If you are part of the fortunate few who’s friend did NOT get a canteen bag, this is the beginning of what will be a very long day for you. It will begin once you return to the block. This is where every possible scenario is played out for your listening pleasure. Everything from the the kiosk screwing up to the man on the grassy knoll stole the bag. Once this venting period is over and you’ve heard every scenario enough times to repeat it verbatim that’s when the day begins to start.
Even while we’re locked down I could still hear the stories being told as they reverberated down the concrete tier. This time however the administration screwed up. Remember when I wrote about how they shut the kiosk down? Well you guessed it, that screwed up everything. We were all told that are canteen kiosk orders were erased so we need to fill out old school bubble sheets. The one that look like high school exam tests, where you color in the correct answer with a number 2 pencil. The whole prison colored those damn things in. Then on Wednesday, in true DOC fashion, nobody received any of the canteen that was ordered on the bubble sheets.
Why you ask?
Because our orders were never erased from the kiosk. Those began the “CANTEEN PANDEMIC OF 2020”
I know from the news and from my phone calls things out there are just as crazy. Just as unpredictable and just as mind boggling. But still it affords us the opportunity to be grateful. Grateful that amidst the chaos and confusion destiny blessed you with a friend who needs you…even if you’d rather be raked over hot coals….
STAY SAFE EVERYONE
